First Pillar: Spiritual Foundation (The Covenant and the Cord)
The foundational idea is that marriage is first of all a covenant before God not a contract and secondly is constructed of a cord of 3 strands with God as the center of the husband and wife’s relationship. You have all that here in the list but I just like using thesis statements to make it clear to the audience/congregation how all the parts tie together.
- Making / keeping Christ as the center of your marriage
- How to acknowledge God’s authority in your home
- Encouraging each other to have godly character and to interact with people in love and compassion
- Never belittle the other for spiritual weaknesses
- Prayer life (together, separately or both)
- Bible study (together, separately or both)
- Sharing and updating your testimony and journey with your spouse
- Determining differences and similarities of your faith
- Coming into an agreement about tithing and giving to the church
- Remembering who your enemy is
Second Pillar: The Purpose and Purity of Marriage (Holiness not Happiness)
The foundational idea for this pillar is that God’s design for marriage contradicts most of the cultural views and expectations of marriage.
- The biblical picture of marriage is that of Jesus loving the church, his bride with sacrificial love to the point of death.
- Loving your spouse with Christ’s sacrificial love
- Dying for your spouse rarely comes down to taking a literal bullet for them, it is seen in the selfless dying to self in the small daily acts of love done for the benefit of the other and not for self.
- Leaving and cleaving – choosing to honor spouse above every other person including one’s own family
- Having a unified front
- Being careful about sharing feelings to family members
- Having children and defining parental roles
- Focusing on the bonding that occurs as you work together for the pleasure of each other
- Speaking your spouse’s love language outside of the bedroom
- Mutually setting expectations and boundaries
- The undefiled marriage bed.
- Common and/or supported hobbies or endeavors
- Regularly scheduled date nights
I was thinking the remaining pillars would be the practical aspects of day to day life in marriage that you laid out in some of the pillars. I think communication is important enough to stand on its own. I would make that the third pillar. I am unsure if the remaining topics should be combined into one general one including the many practical aspects that you identified. Maybe the last pillar could be something about how marriage should be one that overflows God’s blessings to others whether it is family, friends, church community, etc.
Third Pillar: Communication Underneath that pillar would be areas of strength. Here are ideas for this pillar strengthening:
- Setting goals (both individually and as a couple)
- Avoiding blame statements (removing “you always do _____” from vocabulary)
- Using power listening
- Determining and allowing for the origin of behaviors of your spouse
- Focusing on changing your behaviors not your spouse’s
- Giving up “Tit for Tat” (looking for equality in everything)
- Taking self-responsibility for mistakes
- Avoiding cool-talk (conflict avoidance)
- Handling hot topics (conflict resolution)
- Offering apologies and extending forgiveness
- Eliminating divorce as an option from the onset
- Acknowledging individual perspectives about finances and working through issues will develop unity and trust.
Fourth Pillar: Kingdom Building Marriage How to be a blessing and powerful influence for God’s kingdom as your marriage becomes one that overflows in love, service, grace and the power of the Holy Spirit to those around you.
- Being intentional about connecting with like-minded couples
- Looking for couples that can mentor you
- Being intentional about helping others as a couple
- Weeding out negative relationships (some relationships are meant to be seasonal)
- Engaging with couples outside of your church
- Serving in outreach activities as a couple
Todd Q. Lynch - God's Music Geek 